Faith & Hope, Infant Loss

What will it be like?

I sat on my bed one morning recently thinking about Heaven and what it will be like to see my daughter Hannah Grace again. Since her death just over a year ago, I’ve thought about what it was like to hold her and see her face to face before she passed, but I hadn’t spent a lot of time really imagining what it will be like to hold her again, talk to her, and look into her eyes in Heaven. Of course, my imagination of what that will be like is just that, my imagination. None of us really knows what it will be like to be in Heaven, to see Jesus face to face, and to see our loved ones who have gone before us.

As I sat there trying to imagine myself in Heaven on that day, I asked questions that I’ve often pondered before: Will Hannah know me? (I then always remind myself that yes, she will know that I’m her Momma.) Okay, so she will know me, but will she know how much I love her? Like, will she know the depth of my love for her and the ache for her that was in my heart? Will she know all the times I talked about her and shared her story? Will she know how proud I am to have her as my daughter? Will she be proud to have me as her Mommy?

I then imagined looking into her eyes and talking to her. What will I say? What will she say? Of course at this point tears filled my eyes and a sweet smile stretched across my face. They were not tears of sadness but of joy. Peace filled my heart. Oh, what an amazing day that will be!

For any of us who have lost a loved one, I think this type of imagining and dreaming is normal. I am so grateful for the hope I have in Christ that allows me to imagine and dream in this way. It reminds me in my saddest times that I will see my baby girl again. I love this verse from Hebrews:

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Hebrews 6:19a

Jesus is our hope. He is our firm and secure anchor. Our hope in Him is an eternal hope. We know that it will come to be. We know that in Christ we will get to see Jesus face to face. We will get to experience eternal joy with Him. And we will see our loved ones again. So we await that day when we will see our hope fulfilled. I don’t know what that day will be like when I see Hannah again, but I do know that it will be far better and greater than I ever imagined this side of Heaven. And it will be worth waiting for, even when the wait seems far too long and much too hard.

Pressing on in faith, Jennifer

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